Just a dream
by TheCarttersShipper
Summary: Baby why'd you leave me Why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever, now I'll never know I can't even breathe It's like I'm looking from a distance Standing in the background Everybody's saying, "He's not coming home now." This can't be happening to me This is just a dream


I stood in the kitchen, smiling around at the nice job I did. I had spent the whole morning cleaning it and making sure it was perfect. Once I was certain that the kitchen was done, I moved on to the living room. It wasn't a pretty sight. Clothes were all over the place and the couch cushions had been messed up. I sneezed a little, indicating how dusty the room was. It was going to take a few hours to clean but I was going to make the room beautiful.

I spent a good amount of time, gathering up the clothes and putting them away in their respected places, dumping the dirty garments in the wash. I looked a few minutes at the couches before coming with a way to organize them. I moved them diagonally from each other before setting the cushions back in place. I was about to grab my duster when the doorbell rang and I jumped in surprise. After I recovered from the shock, I walked over to the door and opened it to find a solider standing on my porch. He looked solemn and unhappy to be here. I simply smiled.

"Why hello there!" I said cheerfully "What can I do for you sir?"

"My name is Lt. Mathews and you must be Butters Stotch?"

"Oh boy! An army official!" I said excitedly. "Oh um sorry, yes I'm Butters, but I'd prefer to be called Butters Cartman, I prefer my husband's name so much more.

He looked slightly confused by my cheerful attitude, but who didn't. He smiled weakly at me before frowning once more. "I have something for you, it's about Eric Cartman."

About a year ago, I graduated high school and I was scared. Not because I was no longer a child and had to take care of myself, I had been doing that for years, no I was afraid of what my fiancé had told me, a month before graduation.

"I'm joining the army."

Those four words haunted me for months. The fact that my baby was going to be far way from me and in dangerous territory. I kept thinking he was going to die and I'd be left alone. However Eric thought it'd be great for us, he'd get a lot of money and we would be pretty well off. That fact didn't take away my fear however, mostly because I knew Eric was scared himself.

"Marriage!" I said as Eric had just proposed to me and though I was happy, I was also a little nervous. "We are only eighteen! It's way too early!"

Eric sighed and rolled his but did not give up. "I know we're only eighteen dumb dumb, but think about it, if we get married now then we won't have to waste any time when I come back, it's a great idea!"

I crossed my arms thinking. I, in no way believed that engagement or thinking about such a decision was a waste of time but I knew Eric and he was very impatient. Even when we were dating he'd never wait more than ten seconds for me to use the bathroom so obviously he wasn't thrilled with the idea of waiting to get married.

"Can't we just wait...I mean you'll be home sooner than you think and..."

"Ugh Butters!" Eric groaned. "We already waited so long! Come on! I'll feel so much safer when we are married! I have so much plans for us!"

I didn't like what he said about feeling safer, it always gave me a thought of death or separation, however it wasn't like he didn't have a point. Being married, owning a ring that bonded the two of us would bring more of a safe feeling to the both of us. I stayed silent for a moment before finally giving him a kiss on the nose and saying one simple word. "Yes."

I waited anxiously in the changing room, as everyone was starting to leave to the church. I gripped tightly onto my tuxedo, waiting impatiently for Kenny to come and take me to the church. He was a few seconds late and I was freaking out.

"Fuck...Kenny! Where are you!" I kept mumbling to myself, we had spent weeks talking about the plan on who was taking me and it couldn't be messed up now!

"Hey Butters!" Kenny said walking into the room and trying not to laugh at my frantic state. "You ready?"

"Where were you!" I whined grabbing his hand and pulling him to the car. "We are so late and I can't be late to my own goddamn wedding!"

"Don't worry dude!" He said getting in the driver's seat and starting the car. "We won't be late, I doubt Cartman is even there yet."

"He's not!"

"No, I mean he is, just please calm down." I was about to retort but then calmed down and rested in my chair. I closed my eyes and had almost fallen asleep when Kenny shook me and I knew we were there.

I walked out of the car and slowly walked into the church. My heart was beating very fast and felt like I was going to die from a heart attack. I took a deep breath and gulped down, tears. It had surprised me that I was crying but I realized later that it was because I was scared. I had this clear image in my mind that this would be one of my last moments with Eric, with everyone together. I didn't want to say goodbye to my friends or the times we spent together. My tears turned into sobs as this thought became clearer in my mind and I needed my fiancé at the moment.

Without thinking or waiting for my parents, I busted open the doors to the ceremony. Everyone was looking at me, but I didn't care. I looked frantically around the room for Eric. I saw him standing at the podium looking just shocked as everyone else. I ran as fast as I could and attacked him into a tight embrace.

"Eric!" I sobbed into his chest. "You can't leave me! You can't!"

Eric hugged me tightly and stroked my hair as I cried. Everyone around us gave me sympathetic looks and even some pity stares. They all felt awkward and not sure of what to do. However my fiancé and boyfriend of six years knew exactly of what to do. He sat us both down and smiled at me. I was still crying as I looked into his eyes. It felt like no one was there besides us.

"Hey." He said softly giving me a sincere smile.

"Hi." I said calming down slightly.

"This is pretty big huh, I mean everyone is here and they are all watching us." He said but didnt look at them, he kept all his attention on me.

"Yeah, I mean I think this is the one and only time we will see Kenny in a suit." I giggled slightly. "Or Bebe not exposing her cleavage."

He chuckled and ran a hand through my hair and I felt so much calmer with his every touch. He blushed and then looked at me concerned with his beautiful blue eyes.

"It's your choice, we can continue with the ceremony or we can just relax and do it later." I didn't respond right away. I took a moment to look at the people around us, who had not heard what he had said. I knew they all came for a wedding but I didn't want it, I just wanted to be alone with Eric, only with him.

"Can we just sit here?" I whispered gently to him. He nodded and pulled me into an embrace. My tears stopped and my breathing became steady. I felt so safe and warm in his arms, it was like time had stopped and the warmth of Eric's body was protecting me from all the bad things in the world. My eyes grew heavy and I fell asleep.

I woke up a few hours later, in the same room but it was different. Everyone had left and I was laying on Eric's stomach as he played with my hair. I wasn't sleepy anymore but I didn't want to get up, this feeling was too great and I didn't want to ruin it.

"I know you're awake." Eric chuckled running a finger down my spine, giving me the chills. I bit my lip, not wanting to prove him right. Though I started to giggle as he rubbed my sides."Knew it."

"Aw shucks." I said sitting up. "I guess you're right, I guess everyone got bored of watching me sleep huh."

"Not really." He said shrugging. "I told them to leave so you could relax." I smiled and pecked his cheek. He was the dearest person to me and I couldn't live without him.

"Oh hamburgers!" I said using one of my childhood phrases. "We didn't get married yet Eric!"

"Yeah guess not." He agreed. "But it's okay we don't have to."

"Yes we do!" I said forcing Eric to take out the wedding rings. "Okay, let's get married, who cares if no one is here, we set the date for today and we are gonna do it!"

Eric laughed and grabbed my hands and helped me stand up. Lucky for us, the priest was still here and was happy to continue with the ceremony. We said our vows and kissed, and spent the rest of the day together.

"Come on Butters." Eric said for the fourth time as we sat on the couch. "I told you not to think about tomorrow, just think about right now."

"I'm just nervous." I said rubbing my knuckles together, an old childhood habit. "I mean I won't see you for a little bit and well..."

I was silenced by a kiss and couldn't help but return it. "Tomorrow is just another day, there's no need to worry about it."

"I know but..."

Eric looked at me intently and I knew he was thinking of what to say. I wanted to say I was okay and everything would be fine but that wasn't true and now wasn't the time to lie. I followed Eric's gaze to a pad of paper that rested on the coffee table. I was confused to why Eric found the pad so interesting.

"I have and idea." He said and stood up to get it. He sat sat right back down and took a pen. I watched as he wrote on the header of the page "Things to do when I come home"

"We are going to write a list of goals of what we are going to accomplish when I return." Eric explained. "That why we'll have things to look forward too and it will keep us happy."

"Oh okay!" I smiled leaning on his shoulder. "Got any ideas?"

"Uh.." He said thinking. "Well that damn truck needs to be fixed..."

"Eric!" I scorned "Think of things that we do together, not a stupid truck!"

"Okay, okay." He chucked. "What about going on a little vacation like to France!"

I laughed. "I thought you hated French people Eric."

"Are you kidding me?" He said "I love those guys! They share the same ideas that I have about the Jews!"

I gave him a look and he sighed. "Okay, fine, but we should go to France, especially Paris, it's very romantic."

"Okay," I said "Sounds good!"

We spent the next few hours just jotting whatever came in our heads. A lot of it was ridiculous and gave us a good laugh. Though half of it was smart and good, giving us both confidence in our marriage.

"What now?" I asked as we both started to get tired and Eric's arm has become my blanket. "I can't think of anything else."

Eric stayed silent for a moment before giving me a small smile. "Kids."

"Huh?"

"What about kids?" He repeated "Should we have kids?"

"Well, do you want kids?" I asked knowing the answer before I asked it.

"Yes, yes I do." He said and I could sense a bit of pride in his voice. "I want to be a father, raise a kid and give him the love that I never got."

"That's so sweet!" I said "Okay put it on the list!"

"Already done!" He grinned, showing me the list. He looked down at his watch and sighed. "It's late, we should hit the hay."

I frowned. "But, I really want to stay up more!"

He looked at me for a second before giving me a devilish grin. "Oh, I know how to make you sleepy."

Eric was defiantly right, he did know how to make me sleepy. It had to be the best sex I ever had and I'd say the same about Eric. By the time we were done, we had collapsed on the bed and kissing softly. Eric had his huge arms around me and my leg rested about his thigh. We were relaxed and the thought of tomorrow had left my mind, just enough for me to fall asleep.

I woke up to an empty bed and the sound of people talking downstairs. It was very early in the morning and I quickly got dressed and ran down to find out why people were here. When I saw all my friends and family in the living room, I remembered what day it was. Eric was leaving.

The horrible feeling I had received at my wedding, returned and I ran past the people, trying to find my husband. He was outside by the car, talking with his three best friends, Stan, Kyle and Kenny. Liane Cartman had followed me as I ran to him.

"Eric!" I said hugging him tightly. "Why didn't you wake me up!"

"Sorry baby." He said. "You looked so peaceful that I couldn't wake you up." I was about to retort when I gave Eric a good look. He was in his camouflage uniform and looked bigger than he ever did before. The feeling of seeing him that uniform made my tears come back and I hugged him tighter, refusing to let go.

"Butters, Butters please it's okay." He tried to reassure me. "It's going to be okay, please don't worry."

"Don't tell me not to fucking worry!" I sobbed. "This is most dangerous thing you ever done! And I can't handle losing you!"

"That's bullshit, I've done things that were way worse." He said but I knew he could tell it wasn't the time to bring those things up. "Look baby, I know you're scared but we have been talking about this for months, and I kept telling you each time, I won't die, I'll return home and we'll do everything we ever dreamed of."

I thought over his words and I didn't loosen my grip, but my tears got lighter and I looked into his eyes. "We will do everything on the list." I said in more of a demand than a question.

"Yes, we will do everything on the list and even more!" He said kissing my forehead. "We will live and love each other forever, even to the point where we are an old cranky couple that sits on our porch and throws sticks and teenagers."

I laughed and pulled him into a kiss. He kissed back and we just stood there, hugging and kissing until it was time for Eric to go.

"I love you Butters." He said giving me one more kiss on the cheek. "I will always love you, no matter what."

"I love you too Eric Cartman." I smiled. "Come home to me."

I looked curiously at the soldier in front of me. "Um okay, what do you have to tell me about Eric?"

He sighed and handed over a letter. "Oh yay! I love when Eric sends me letters! They are always so funny and sweet, I love them so much, I have a little box where I.."

"Sir." Lt. Mathews said. "Please open the envelope."

I nodded and slowly opened the envelope. I never knew that words could destroy you but that's what I learned when I read through this letter.

Dear Leopold Cartman

We are sorry to inform you that your husband, Eric Cartman has been killed in action. He was a great soldier and wonderful person, that will be missed.

You will receive the salary that Eric earned and would of earned later. Again, we are very sorry for your loss and are willing to make this as easy as we can for you.

Our deepest sympathies and prayers.

General Jack Thompson.

I didn't know how to react. This was all too much, I couldn't handle it, so I let out a laugh of disbelief, surely this was not true and Eric was just pulling a joke on me. Though I knew from the look on the Lt. that this was no joke and my Eric was never to return home.

"Thank you." I said through thick tears. "You can go now." I closed the door before he could say anything and walked into the living room. I sat on the couch and stared at the table, letting my tears consume me, I was just so crushed. The dreams, the goals I had with Eric would never happen and I was alone. I grabbed the pad of paper off the table and and took out the first page.

"Well Eric." I said tearing it in half. "I guess we won't be going to France...unless we bury you there, but fuck, I don't have money to do that..." I tore the paper into hundreds of pieces and moved onto to the next one.

"Well we won't ever go hiking on Mount Everest or head to Alaska, we won't go to New Zealand to see the beautiful view, we won't go to Japan and get all the anime we want..."

I kept ripping out pages and tearing them to shreds. There was no point of the list, for my husband was never coming home and I had no wanting to do anything.

I kept taking pages out until I got to the last page. We hadn't wrote anything on it besides one words. "Kids" For some reason, I didn't want to rip this one, I knew I wasn't going to have kids without Eric but I got a warm feeling from it. I saw his warm smile and heard how happy his voice had been. I looked at the paper for a little bit longer before folding it up and placing it my pocket.

I was still crying and the pain was excruciating but I felt like I had some piece, some part of Eric that was with me. I knew he was never going to come home but the memories I shared with him would always be here. I looked back at the remaining sheets of paper on the table. Memories I shared with Eric flashes through my mind as I stared at the pad. I knew I needed to keep these memories, to never forget them, it was my only chance of keeping Eric alive.

"Okay." I said grabbing the pad of paper and taking out my pen. "Time to make a new list."


End file.
